You are a number

In my preparation to work here I knew I would have to get a social security number. Obviously the IRS would need something to match me to my taxes. (Their moto: Tax first... ask questions later). But I was unprepared for everyone else that would want that number.

Phone companies, utilities, driver license place, and of course you need a social security number if you want to have a bank account.

It became pretty apparent that I needed to get one of these as soon as possible. After I got my green card, it says I can now apply for a social security number. So we drive to the nearest office in Cody. It is on the 2nd floor of a unassuming brick building on the main street. One thing to mention here is that there are no ground floors in America. So the 2nd floor is actually only one floor up from the street level. This has me mightly confused for awhile especially as we take the elevator.

The little office's most prominent feature is the huge man in impressive uniform standing guard. He sizes me up and lets me know the procedure. 'Fill out the form - take a number', to another guy he lays down the law 'Is that a leather-man sir? - its against federal legislation to have knife in this office'.

I fill out the form, minus the social security number, the first thing the lady says to me is 'Sir you haven't filled out your social security number' - I explain that this is why I have come.... she gives a gasp. After some frantic typing on the computer and some anxious pauses, blood finally returns to her face. 'I need to ask you some questions, have you ever had a job?, have you got a drivers license?, do you have a bank account?, have you done any study?, have you applied for welfare?'. I answer dutifully 'no' to each of these questions till it dawns on me that there is no way I can get any of those things unless I have a social security number. Is she mocking me?

While I wait, I read the pamphlet on how retirement payments work: My contributions now will fund todays elderly. When I am old, there wont be enough young people working to fund me, so prepare to fend for yourself. It is good to see that some things work the same in both countries.

Finally she hands me a receipt and tells me my card with number will come in the post in 2 weeks. She cant give me the number yet, its generated somewhere else, I will have to wait.

I take the one flight of stairs down to exit the building. I know that searching for the ground floor button in the elevator will just frustrate me.

The next day my father in law calls to tell me my social security number has come in the mail.  This leaves me wondering. Have I been wrong, is the US government super efficient, or will I soon have two social security numbers?